& so it began.....

Scott and I found out we were pregnant Sunday, October 18, 2009. We had gone to Walmart and I decided I wanted apple cider, Scott immediately decided that I was pregnant....I said I just wanted apple cider, which I never wanted it before, but just was craving it. We took the pregnancy test and waited....waited....waited. Scott looked at it and with sad look and a pout, he said, "It's negative!" I can still see and hear his expression and voice in my head to this day. I said, "It's negative???" as I looked over the test, "NO, it's positive!" Scott thought 2 pink lines meant it was negative! We were both shocked! I cried, tears of joy and just plain being scared out of my mind! Scott assured me everything would be fine!


As the months went by and the morning sickness surpassed, it was our BIG 20 week ultrasound! Finally this day had come, how exciting we get to see our little bundle of joy, but we decided, well mostly me and having to convince Scott, that we didn't want to know the sex of the baby. I wanted a surprise, after all how many great surprises are there now? They did the usual measuring, which took forever, but even though my back was killing me, seeing our child was amazing! The technician left and during our long wait, baby started to move, I was feeling it for a couple weeks, but Scott never did. He put his hand on my belly and "BAM" the baby kick, it kicked so hard that it actually moved Scott hand up! What a wonderful moment!


I guess a never really suspected anything with how long it was taking them to get back into the room by us, but when the doctor came back in, he looked some more at the baby, smiled at us and left the room.


We headed to my regular 'baby doctor' and I can still remember how much we were laughing, Scott was being his usually comical self and I literally had tears running down my cheeks from laughing so hard and trying to get him to be quiet!


The doctor along with a student and she asked me if I felt as if there was any thing wrong when we were getting the ultrasound done. "No" I said. As she explained, our child looks to have markers of that of a baby with Down Syndrome might have, I feel to pieces....tears rolled down my cheeks and I remember looking at the student, she held a box of tissues in her hand and she gave them to me. I tried so hard to strong and not cry even harder than I already was.


I still don't even remember what my doctor was saying to me, the only thing I heard was Down Syndrome...feeling Scott's hand on my back and looking at the student with this incredibly sad look on her face.


So much information within a 10 minute office visit and I didn't even know what she was saying.


We left the room and we to go see my mom, which she worked in one of the labs in the clinic. I couldn't even walk, Scott held me up and I would take a minute to duck into a corner and cry some more, Scott would pick be back up again and we finished the almost seemingly long trip up to my mom's work area.


I cried....of course I cried when I saw my mom. We told her what the doctors told us. In my hands I had the ultrasound pictures of our baby. And as much as I don't want to admit it, I couldn't look at them, looking at them made me sad, mad and down-right well pissed off about the whole situation. "WHY? This is suppose to be one of the most incredible moments of our lives and now what?"


My mom took the pictures and gazed at them saying, "Jami, look at your baby, it's beautiful"...........(thank you mom, I love you!)